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Jun 20, 2010 15:16:33 GMT -5
Post by Addison on Jun 20, 2010 15:16:33 GMT -5
It wasn't what everyone had thought. She had taken the blame, let her marriage fail to avoid telling the truth. She had forced Mark to lie swell, had ruined his friendship with Derek, all because it was so much less painful than telling him the truth. How do you explain to your husband that you were raped? How do you explain that his best friend had fought off the attacker, and then stayed to comfort her? How do you explain the coat of his best friend lying on the floor because he pulled it off and threw it down as he ran up the stairs to save her from her attacker? It was all so innocent, and yet so complicated, Derek had come home and automatically assumed the worst, and when he had gone to their bedroom on the second floor he opened the door to see Mark, holding Addison in his arms, her wrapped in a sheet, but wearing nothing else. He felt sick at the thought of what had happened between them. He didn't take in her bloodshot eyes , or her voice horse from screaming for help. He didn't take in the fact that her mascara, once so perfectly applied ran in lines down her eyes and cheeks. Making her look somewhat like a raccoon. No. All he saw when he walked into that bedroom that dreadful night was his wife, in the arms of another man. He saw Addison look at Mark, a sad look of desperation on her face. And he didn't know that what she was really doing is begging silently for him to keep what had happened between the two of them. She felt so ashamed , so humiliated.
She was so sore, It took her a great deal of effort to move as Mark and Derek had a fighting fit and Mark left into the stormy night. Derek returned to the bedroom, grabing her clothes in arm fuels and going down the stairs with them.
"Derek you can't do this….You have to give me a chance to explain….we have to talk about this...."
"No We DONT."
"What are you doing? What are you doing with my close Derek?" Addison asked chasing him out of the room.
"It was one time. I know that's what people say I know that's what's said. I just I don't know how it happened. I don't know what I was thinking he was just here." She said in a state of panic, she would rather admit to an affair that didn't happen than to admit she was raped.
"Screw my best friend and all you can say is he was just here?" Derek asked his voice raging in anger.
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Jun 20, 2010 15:26:05 GMT -5
Post by cutebutboring on Jun 20, 2010 15:26:05 GMT -5
"He was." she insisted. "He didn't do anything, Derek, I swear. He didn't do anything he wasn't suppose to do. He saw me and he wanted to help. It was completely innocent. He meant nothing by it and he sure and hell didn't mean to hurt you."
"He was trying to help?!" Derek repeated with a scalding tone. "And fucking you helps how?! Are all husbands' best friends suppose to fuck the wife when they see her down? Because I never got that memo!"
"No, Derek.. he.. he...you have to listen to me." she begged.
"I don't have to do anything." he replied, forcing her out the door after having thrown out all her clothes. He slammed the door in her face and watched through the fog up glass while she broke down on their door step, crying hysterically. Eventually he let her, allowed her to fall in his arms before harshly pushing her away to tell her he's leaving her.
"Derek, at the very least you could hear about what happen before you walked in." she whispered desperately.
"I don't want to hear about how my best friend fucked the life out of my wife." he answered as he moved toward the door and threw his wedding band at her. "I hope it was worth it because now you have him but you're gonna lose everything else."
After he left her legs gave out and she took a seat at the bottom of the stair case mumbling, "I already lost everything." to herself
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Jun 20, 2010 15:46:57 GMT -5
Post by Addison on Jun 20, 2010 15:46:57 GMT -5
She had been in Seattle for two weeks and the environment in Seattle was just as tense , just as horrible as it was that night in NY. She had changed A lot in the past two weeks, and hadn't even planed to come to Seattle if it hadn't have been for the phone call from Richard telling her that he needed her for a case, and that she was the one and only person who could do it. Now that she looked back on it, she realized that although she was good, someone else could have handled the case just fine, and that Richard had called her to try and play matchmaker between her and Derek.
" You really are Satan, you realize right? If Satan were to take physical form he'd be you, everywhere , all the time." Derek said to her that afternoon , as she waited for the elevator with him, which she assumed was stopped on a upper floor by someone making out, because they had been there for five minutes and the elevator never arrived.
"I'm not satan." She respond. Not giving anything away in her tone, but playing into his argument game all the same.
"Howcome you haven't gotten back on your broomstick and gone back to NY where you belong?"
"Stop being petty."
"Stop being an adulterous bitch." This hurt her. She cringed, her expression changing to one of hurt.
""You know there was a time when you though of me as your best friend."
"There was a time when I thought you were the love of my life. Things change. Why don't you go take a couple of shots at the bar across the street, it's always open..….." He trailed off looking at her. "Just like your legs." He said giving her a spiteful look.
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Jun 20, 2010 15:59:40 GMT -5
Post by cutebutboring on Jun 20, 2010 15:59:40 GMT -5
Addison looked down shamefully, choosing a spot on the ground while he continued to criticize every aspect of her life, her appearance and her personality. The old Addison would have rolled her eyes and walked away. But she didn't have a right to do that. Despite how it happened, she had sex with someone outside her marriage. Even if it was against her will, she cheated and that was enough to keep her standing there. She thought she deserved to be hated.
"Are you done?" she finally whispered hoarsely, looking up with tears welling in her eyes.
"I've been done with you for months now. And I hope that once you leave I'll be able to pick up my life and move on. As for you... you don't deserve to move on." he said bitterly. "You deserve to wake up every morning, look in the mirror and see the conniving bitch that you are. You don't deserve any human sympathy or anything for that matter."
Addison gave a slight withdrawn chuckle. "Believe me, I've been stripped of all that once made me human." she answered. "I'm gonna go to that bar you suggested, maybe I can get drunk and wake up in some serial killers apartment just as he's preparing to fish out my organs to sell them in Mexico."
Derek laughed. "I wouldn't be lucky enough to have someone kill you without me having to hire them." he answered. "But you might get some good sex would of a situation like that... I'm sure you'll love that."
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Jun 20, 2010 18:40:39 GMT -5
Post by Addison on Jun 20, 2010 18:40:39 GMT -5
Addison followed Derek's advice and walked to the bar. She sat at the bar, and took a shot of whisky, then another of tequila, and then three more of tequila. She didn't even notice when someone she knew sat down beside her, and ordered a drink swell, and was already sloshed before she did realize that it was Mark Sloan.
"What are you doing here?" She asked him, her mind not able to comprehend the fact that she was here and that he was here and that they were there together after everything that had happened.
"I thought I saw a fabulous looking woman walk in, I can't resist a pretty face you know that." He said in a kidding tone. and then in a more serious one replied. "I took the midnight flight last night, You haven't been intouch addie."
"He hates me..…..he hates me and my whole existence is screwed." She mumbled wishing she were dead, ok not really dead, more just wishing she wasn't there right then and there. "HE's being so mean to me." Addiosn whined. She didn't actually really realize that she was doing it but she was drunk and well anything goes.
"How bout you lay off the bottle? " Mark asked her, she had told joe to forget pouring her tequila in Shots and instead just took the whole bottle from him and began swigging the very un addiosn like drink in a very meredith grey like style.
"We should have sex." She said randomly. "We should have drunken random sex and make a drunken random baby……it would be a very cute baby you know..….and then I would have actually done what derek is accusing me of and then he can hate me for a good reason and i won't have to lie to him anymore and he can get over it or i can force him to get over it …….and its no fair because he's fucking the blonde intern and he all but told me to go get myself raped so why not atlas make it fun? "
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Jun 20, 2010 19:08:45 GMT -5
Post by cutebutboring on Jun 20, 2010 19:08:45 GMT -5
"You didn't tell your husband that I didn't have sex with you?" Mark asked softly, not wanting to bring up the oh so sensitive subject. "Because he has to know what happen to you if you want him to forgive you...not that there is anything to forgive. Just that he should know so he won't use it against you."
"He doesn't care, Mark. He doesn't want me anymore...He hasn't wanted me in years. I'm just...old. And he's tired of me. He wants skinny blond interns..." she rambled. "And I'm not a skinny blond intern."
"No, you're a gorgeous red head with actual curves that make you look like the brilliant woman that you are and not a pre-teen with too much make up. You're an accomplished world renowned surgeon and you don't need me to tell you than any man would be honored just to be able to speak with you." he replied with the effort to give her damaged ego a boost.
His attempt failed and he knew it when he saw her take another shot. "I want my life back." she mumbled incoherently. "Tequila tasted so much better in New York..."
"Addison..." he began, watching the drunken mess that she had become. "We should get you back to your hotel before you start throwing up on people. I'm sure Derek will come around, you're Addison...and he knows what that means better than anyone else on the planet."
"To him Addison is a drunk whore who can't keep her legs together...a drunk, fat, old, hairy, miserable, bored with her life whore." She trailed on. "What were we talking about again?" she asked, looking at him stupidly.
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Jun 20, 2010 19:44:57 GMT -5
Post by Addison on Jun 20, 2010 19:44:57 GMT -5
"Ok You've had quiet enough to drink. " HE said taking her drink from her.
"Commmoonnnn I'm not drunk, and I'm not tired lets dance! " She said getting up and beginning to dance to the music. Mark entrained this thought for a few minutes, and really thinking that no real harm could come from it , let her have her fun for awhile before he went up with her, and escorted her out of the bar, when her dancing was turning from funny to slutty and although entertaining it was to him, he doubted if Derek would appreciate rumors of his wife dancing like a porn star floating around the hospital.
"Mark please stay with me." Addison said, on the verge of tears as Mark helped her into her hotel room, and then said he was leaving.
"Addison you know I can't . " He said, he couldn't stand to see her sad, he couldn't stand to see her hurting.
"I'm scared." She whispered.
"Addie..…" He started, but then the waterworks started. And his heart melted. He didn't know if it was because she was drunk, or because she was actually scared to be alone. He didn't know how she had managed for the last while without him. She drunkenly changed into a teashirt nightgown, and sat down on the bed, throwing him a pair of male pajama pants she had bought from Nordstrom last year and had somehow wound up in her bag.
"Stay here. you can sleep on the couch, Just stay here and protect me." She said. The alcohol for some reason wasn't numbing her pain as well as it normally did, an she was feeling leginitimant fear for her life , and knew that Mark would make it go away, She sat down next to him on the couch and laid against him, not crossing any lines, just needing comfort.
"That's it red." HE said helping her back up . "Your going to call Derek. You are going to pick up that phone and call him this instant Do you understand me?" He asked her handing her his cell phone. She didn' t mean to do what she was about to do, but afterall she was drunk. She had enough sense to get her own cell phone instead of mark's though and dialed Derek's number taking a swig of liquid courage from the minibar in the kitchen area. His answering machine picked up.
"Hey you motha fucking duche , guess what? I was raped…I lost everything that night you kicked me out, I never slept with Mark , although now that you hate me and I'm single again basically it would rrrrrrrreeeeeaaaaaaaalllllllllllllllllllyyyyyyyyyyy be something I will be considering because he is mother fucking eye candy. And you making my life a living hell is really not conducive to my recovering. So really Derek, for all I care you and your mother fucking rag doll can eat shit and die. ." She said and then took a deep breath and hung up the phone .
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Jun 20, 2010 19:57:29 GMT -5
Post by cutebutboring on Jun 20, 2010 19:57:29 GMT -5
The next day Addison arrived at work with the worst hangover of her life. If she could have taken the day off than she would have. But much to her luck, it wasn't. She took an asprin and tried to treat it like it was any other day. That went well until her lunch break rolled around.
She was sitting outside of the cafeteria with nothing but a bag or chips and a bottle of water. Like always, she was alone because her husband would sit with Meredith. She didn't expect that day to be an exception. She snapped out of her trance when she noticed that someone was blocking the sun in her eyes. Looking up, she saw Derek.
"You amaze me." he said and she knew he didn't mean it in a good way.
"What are you talking about?" she asked while biting off half the chip in her hand.
"You're message last night...I can't believe how pathetic you could be. You've been raped? You'd really slap every rape victim you've ever treated by lying about something like that? Really?" he snapped. "And I'm the 'mother fucking douche' when you're the one who cheats and lies about rape?! What the fuck is wrong with you, Addison?"
"I uh.." she began to stutter. "I was drunk, I didn't know what I was saying. I don't even remember calling you! I didn't mean anything I said, Derek. I wear I love you, I don't..." she stopped realizing she'd said too much. "Just forget it, okay?"
He disapprovingly shook his head with a glare. "I wish I could see in you what I saw when we first got together...how did I ever consider you the love of my life? I wish I could be in your mind for two minutes and understand how you think! You just amaze with your bull shit."
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Jun 20, 2010 20:14:10 GMT -5
Post by Addison on Jun 20, 2010 20:14:10 GMT -5
She looked at him as if she had never seen him before in her life. How could he not have believed her when she had said that she was raped? How could he have not believed her? Ok well she was drunk, and she really shouldn't have taken Mark's advice and called him, but well shit happens. Especially when your married to a douche who's cheating on you with a blonde skinny intern who looked like she could do with a good meal or two .
"Meredith is sweet." Addison started.
"Don't bring Meredith into this."
"That's what you were going for right ? The anti Addison?"
"Please Addison, anything's better than being stuck with you for the rest of my life." He didn't say it in a harsh tone, but as he reached out instinctually to move the hair out of her eyes, he saw something in her that was very strange. She flinched like he was going to strike her, He could see the panic in her eyes as she moved away from him.
"What's the matter with you?" He asked, she knew that he would never, no matter how much he wanted to , hit her. "Addison?" HE asked, his voice gentler now. She got up and walked away. She went to the on call room and laid down on the bed, closing her eyes, trying to make the past go away. Trying to pretend it never happened, but flashing back all the same to that night. HE had moved the hair from her eyes too. HE had tried to be gentle aside from actually raping her that is. HE had said to her then what Derek just said to her now.
"Addiosn what's wrong with you?" She heard the voice and opened her eyes and jumped backwards, moving as quick as she could into the corner of the bed, and pulling herself into the fetal position. "NO NO! NO ! DONT TOUCh ME ! NO GO AWAY ! DONT TOUCH ME!" She screamed. Derek was sitting on the side of the bed, and had gently shaken her to try and wake her up. He knew from her startle response, and from her screaming , as he gently backed away that something, although he didn't know what, had truly happened to her.
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Jun 20, 2010 20:24:48 GMT -5
Post by cutebutboring on Jun 20, 2010 20:24:48 GMT -5
"Okay, okay, okay...I'm not touching you. I'm not gonna hurt you. I just wanted to make sure that you were okay. You took off kind of suddenly." he answered. "I didn't want you to think I'd hurt you. No matter how pissed off I am with you, I'd never hurt you. I'm not like that."
Her body remained tense. The fear still shining in her eyes. "I don't want you near me right now." she told him. "You will, you'll lash out and hit me and do things that I can't handle...I deserve it but I can't handle it. I can't."
"Addison you cheated. I'll never forgive you for that. You went behind my back and I can't trust you anymore. That doesn't mean I'll kill you or hurt you." he explained. "Will you just talk to me?"
"No!" she yelled. "Just leave, please. You're judging me and you don't even know what happen! How could I handle that? I watch you fawn over your girlfriend. Do you think that's easy?" she asked. "It's not, none of this has been easy. And you don't even care."
Derek scoffed loudly. "When you can calm down and talk, find me. Right now you're too difficult to be around."
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Jun 20, 2010 20:42:17 GMT -5
Post by Addison on Jun 20, 2010 20:42:17 GMT -5
"NO DEREK! DONT LEAVE ME! PLEASE ! " She whimpered.
"Addison you just all but kicked me in the ass to get me out of this room." He said turning around.
"Please …..I'll talk……I ……I promise..… just don't leave please." She said deciding to make a compromise. He moved closer to her, and she put her hands out cautioning him to stay back. She was trembling from her head to her toes and she wrapped her arms in the fetal position around her long legs which were pulled tightly against her chest.
"Care to tell me what's going on with you?" He asked, trying to pretend like he could believe her, like he could care.
"Derek just listen to me." Addison begged, and Derek nodded.
"I was raped. That night, a man climbed up the fire escape and broke in through the window. (he rigged the window and opened it or maybe it wasn't closed properly to begin with something to that effect like on SVU) He raped me. and he beat me. I had three bruised ribs and bruises all over my body, if you would have spent a half a second actually looking at me you would have noticed. " Her voice was angry but her breathing was rapid, he could tell by the fact that she was about to hyperventilate that she wasn't lying.
"If you were raped than what was Mark doing in our bedroom, Holding you in nothing but a sheet?" Derek asked, he wasn't buying this BS.
"That was the night that you and he were suppose to be going to the Yankees game. You were suppose to meet him at the practice, but you weren't there so he came to the brownstone to look for you. He used the hideaway that we kept in the mailbox and let himself in. He heard me screaming and rushed upstairs. He nearly killed the guy who hurt me. But that's ALL HE DID. I was hysterical at the time, and he wrapped me in a sheet and held me until I calmed down. WE NEVER SLEPT TOGETHER. We never even kissed." Addison tried to explain. Her story was very convincing, it was the truth, and hopefully that would be enough to get through to him.
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Jun 20, 2010 20:59:10 GMT -5
Post by cutebutboring on Jun 20, 2010 20:59:10 GMT -5
"You were serious about the rape." he said slowly, coming closer to the bed she was curled up on. He noticed her hesitation and stopped short. "No bad intentions." he promised. "There might be a scalpel in the supply closet across the hall. I could get it and you could keep it by you, if I do anything to even make you think I'm going to hurt you just plunge it right into me, okay?" he asked as he backed out of the room only to return seconds later with a capped scalpel, he held it out to her and she accepted hesitantly. "Just careful with it, don't let the cap pop off, we don't want you to rip yourself."
She gave a smile and placed it on the half ass bedside table in the on-call room. Though still skeptical, she let him crawl into bed beside her and even let him wrap his arms around her. "Why are you being nice to me? You hate me, remember?" she asked.
"I hated you because I thought you went behind my back and cheated on me, I thought you were a whore. Turns out, I should be the one to be hated because I left you when you needed me and I treated you worse than people treat their dogs." he answered.
"That' doesn't make up for the fact that you fell in love with a different woman." she reminded him. "The fact that I didn't cheat doesn't change the feelings you developed for her. And right now...we are cheating because you're not mine. You're hers and you're suppose to be holding her."
"I'm not married to her." Derek was quick to answer. "I know this is hard. I know that you've been through a lot and I haven't been there for you. But don't undermine yourself. I may have fallen for her but what makes you think I wouldn't chose you over her?"
"Derek, I can't be hurt again. I can't take another blow. I wouldn't survive that." she warned. "I'd break and I'd end up doing something horrible. So...don't do this to me if you don't intend on sticking through."
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Jun 20, 2010 21:41:16 GMT -5
Post by Addison on Jun 20, 2010 21:41:16 GMT -5
“Derek I don't feel very good.” She said quietly, her body was ridged in his arms. Her skin warm to the touch. She felt dizzy, as if she were about to pass out. She tried to sit up, but instead rested against Derek. “ Can you just hold me?” She askd him her voice trembling, her entire body still shaking from fear as she curled herself up into a ball and rested against him, his strong arms around her to keep her safe. Soon they are both sleeping restfully.
Meredith had been looking for Derek all morning. He hadn't sat with her at lunch , and He didn't have any surgeries scheduled for the entire day , although she didn't know how that had managed to happen. She was just about to give up her search when she walked into the oncall room to catch a quick nap and she saw him. Holding her. Loving her. Sleeping with her as if nothing had ever happened .
Her thoughts raced. She didn't know what to do. She felt numb. She dind't mean to do it. She hadn't thought of doing it. She never even really wanted to do it, but before she could stop herself she was making her way across the room, silently, like a ghost. She had saw the scaple, and was silently moving towards it, and taking of the plastic protector. It was like she was in a transe. She was standing over them. Holding the scaple in her hand . Slowly bringing it down. Addison was laying in the most perfect position. The pressure point on her neck was exposed. Meredith knew that she could cut here there. That she could hurt her there, and she wouldn't be able to talk, and tell them who it was. It would paralize her. It would make Derek want her instead of Addison.
She pressed the knife to Addison's perfect ivory skin, and pressed down hard. Hard enough that it would cause a few days of damage, not hard enough to kill her. But then everything went in a haze. She panicked. She couldn't believe that she had felt enough hatred towards this woman to actually hurt her. She decided that it would have to be covered up. Nobody could know it was her. The shadows had hidden her face, so although Addison had woken up, she was unable to see who had cut her, atleast not clearly. She grabbed Addiosn's wrists and sliced both of them before putting the scaple in her hand to make it look like she had done it herself. And then, as quiet as a mouse she snuck out of the room . Nobody would ever know she had been the one to kill the famous Addison Montgomery Shepherd.
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Jun 20, 2010 21:52:25 GMT -5
Post by cutebutboring on Jun 20, 2010 21:52:25 GMT -5
Like anticipated, Addison didn't feel a thing. She slept right through it as did her husband, his arm holding her to him closely. Hours passed since Meredith came and left and both were still sleeping, it wasn't until Derek realized his fingers were starting to get wet that he woke up. It was too dark to see the substance but he knew it couldn't be right.
He took his cell phone out and pressed a button to light the screen so he could she what was covering his fingers. Much to his horror, it was blood. He instantly jumped and looked over his own body, hoping it was him to be the one that was bleeding. But deep down inside he knew that it wasn't. He looked to his wife, a scalpel place in her palm (she wasn't grasping it), and both wrists bleeding. He turned her on her back and instinctively checked her weak pulse because applying pressure to the wounds as he screamed for help.
In the meantime he checked the tears along her wrists coming to a quick conclusion. Addison was right handed, she couldn't put such a perfectly straight line along her right wrist with her left hand. And had she reached over him to get the scalpel she had left on the night stand than he would have felt the motion and the slight pressure of her weight on top of him. She could go over him without him feeling because she'd hit her head on the top bunk and that would for sure wake him up.
"Addison." he called out, softly slapping her to get her to wake up, leaving a hand print of her blood on her cheek. "How could you not have felt this?!" he exclaimed before continuing to scream for help.
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Jun 20, 2010 22:03:28 GMT -5
Post by Addison on Jun 20, 2010 22:03:28 GMT -5
Addison hadn't felt a thing. She didn't feel it when they cut her. Because they had slashed her neck temporally paralyzing her and making her unable to feel anything. Well damn atlas they were civil in the fact that they were trying to kill her. She didn't know what was going on around her, she could hear Derek making noise, screaming out her name, but she couldn't move. She tried. She tried to move, tried to speak, but she couldn't she was too week to even utter a sound. Her breathing was slow and rapid. Someone had lifted her up off of the bed. She saw Derek's panicked face above her, and then they laid her down again. She saw the white neon lights of the hospital ceiling she wished she had something to shade her eyes. They were wheeling her to the Emergency room now. Her eyes flickered. They stopped. Derek was standing over her again. She couldn't help but feel a rise of panic in her body . She knew he wouldn't hurt her, but not it wasn't just him. It was him and another doctor from the ER. One she didn't know.
'please don't leave me.' she silently begged.
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