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Post by cutebutboring on Aug 1, 2010 1:25:28 GMT -5
When Derek left his wife for Seattle he never saw himself turning back. There was nothing that could be important enough to get him to turn back. But then he heard that his wife was pregnant was his child...as if that wasn't enough he discovered that she was also diagnosed with ovarian cancer and she was refusing to get treatment. He was too stubborn to call her and she was too stubborn to call him.
Addison didn't want him to find out. She didn't want his pity. She didn't want him to take care of her and watch her eye because she didn't want to be an obligation. She wasn't his responsibilty anymore. She wanted to be alone, she wanted to be reminded of her mistakes as often as possible and what better way than constantly being reminded of her lonliness. But she also desperatly wanted her child to someone come out of this whole mess alive. She always wanted a child, and even if she couldn't live to raise it, she wanted it to have everything the world had to offer.
Derek didn't expect to find her home when he knocked on the door of the New York Brownstone. When the door openned and he saw her, he realized that it was as if she was someone else. She wasn't the same overly confident Addison he had left. "What happen to you, Addison?" he asked before she had a chance to talk.
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Post by Addison on Aug 1, 2010 1:49:56 GMT -5
Her eyes were puffy and red from crying, she was in her pajamas, and her mascara was smudged by her tears. Her face was very pale, and upon seeing Derek for the first time in howlong had it been? Months? Years? The time was bluring together now. She didn't know. It seemed like a lifetime.
'what happened to you ?' he had asked her and for the first time since she could remember she realized that she hadn't showered , or changed, or done her make-up in the week that she had taken off from work. She needed time to reflect. She hadn't wanted to take the time off, but was forced to when the combination of the cancer and the pregnancy became too much for her to bear and she basically quit her life.
'Why are you here?” Addison asked Derek she had ment to be cross, to be whitty and crule, but she was tired, both physically and emotionally , and instead it came off as a desperate weak plea.
“I don't want you here Derek. Leave.” She said, her voice calm.
“You need my help.” He tried to compromise. “You have cancer, your pregnant with my child, which by the way you didn't even bother to tell me about. (Derek paused at this. And re-adjusted his tone. He didn't want to accuse her, he wanted to help her.) Addie I don't know what's going on with you but just let me help.” He reasoned.
The baby kicked inside of Addison winced in pain, and moved her hand to her stomach biting her bottom lip as the pain moved through her stomach and downwards. She grabbed hold of the door frame to keep from crying out in pain as the tears fell down her cheeks. The cancer was getting worse. She could feel it everytime the baby kicked inside of her. The pains shooting through her stomach and down. The overwhelming pain that brought tears to her eyes, and caused her to nearly pass out. She looked up at Derek once the pain had slowly begun to fade away. She hadn't realized it during the painful episode, and had no memory of how it happened, but he had taken her in his arms and helped her into the house. He sat down beside her on the couch gently massaging away the pain in her stomach.
“I told you to leave”
“You need me.”
“I don't.”
“Why are you doing this to yourself Addison?”
“Why do you care?”
“Your my wife.”
“That didn't matter whenever you were fucking everything with a pulse.”
“I slept with ONE person!”
“Yes, the blonde Anti-Addison how could I forget?”
“Don't bring Meredith into this, were talking about you .”
“Why are you here Derek? What is your real motive? Why are you wasteing your time and your money harrasing me when you've made it more than clear over the past 5 years that you don't want children, and you don't give a damn if I live or die?” Addison asked him , there were tears in her eyes now, and she felt as if a huge weight was lifted off of her shoulders.
“Just like you didn't need me to love you in Seattle.....I don't need you to love me now....you don't get to forfill your need to be a nice guy Derek. You don't get to feel good about yourself. Not this time. You don't get to relieve yourself of your guilt.” She said moving away from him and resting against a pillow.
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Sixteen
Aug 1, 2010 12:52:22 GMT -5
Post by cutebutboring on Aug 1, 2010 12:52:22 GMT -5
"I'm just trying to talk to you, Addison. I'm not trying to be a 'nice guy' and I don't want to relieve myself of guilt. You're still my wife even if we haven't really been together in a very long time. And you are pregnant with my child...were you ever planning on tell me? Or was I never suppose to find out?" he asked her.
"You would have found out eventually..." she whispered softly. "I'm not gonna be around forever. At this rate I won't make it past the birth and it's not like it can raise it's self. Someone would have called you to let you know."
Derek ran his fingers through his hair and got off the couch to pace back and forth in front of her while he processed everything going on. "How do you expect me to respond to that? You just told me you're not going to live to see our son..."
"And I wanted to ask you if you still want a divorce. I mean...is it nessacary anymore? You don't really have to waste all that money on a lawyer. After it's born... you techincally won't be married to me anymore. You could move on with Meredith."
"Stop! Stop talking about dying! Why does that not scare the hell out of you? You are having a child, Addison. You always wanted a child. You always wanted to be a mother and now you're not going to live for it? You're just giving up? It's like you're not even the same person anymore."
"It does scare the fuck out of me! It does! But what the hell am I suppose to do about it?! If I wanna live than I have to kill our child, and I am not killing my child. If I want it to live than I can't. I made my choice, this is me being a mother. I'm suppose to do what's best for my kid!"
Derek sighed in defeat. He sat back down on the couch next to her with a softened expression and looked at her for a few silent seconds. "Is it a boy or a girl?" he finally asked.
"I don't know."
"You haven't been going to pre-natal appointments?" Derek asked in shock.
Addison shook her head. "They try to convince me to terminate it and get treatment. I went twice, and I'm never going again. I know what to do during pregnancy, I don't need someone to tell me."
"You can't give yourself pre-natal exams, Addison. You can't determine if there is something wrong with the fetus and if there is, you can't fix it." he reminded her. "...You haven't even given yourself an ultrasound to see the baby? That's one thing you can do."
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