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Seven
Apr 27, 2010 20:31:09 GMT -5
Post by cutebutboring on Apr 27, 2010 20:31:09 GMT -5
There were a few things Derek had planned for since his childhood. He would graduate at the top of his high school class, read the validictorian speech and get into the best college in comparison to everyone else. In college, he planned to meet the most amazing woman to have ever set foot on this planet and eventually marry her. He planned to go to medical school, and again graduate at the top of his class. He was willing to compromise and take the salidictorian postion only if his perfect wife was to be the validictorian.
They'd do their internship together and spend every free second doing things they should not be doing in on call rooms. Residency would be a breeze because they dump all the boring stuff on the interns and take all the fun for themselves.
He would become a neurosurgeon and he would no settle for second best. He wanted to be number one. And that's exactly how it turned out. All that was planned for.
It wasn't planned to walk into his bedroom and see his wife nakes on top of his best friend. That definatly was never in the picture. He never thought he would drive across the country to get away from her. He never thought he would fall in love with the exact opposite of her. But most importantly, he never thought she would follow him months later.
For the first few second he felt like his eyes decieved him. He could not be looking at her. This isn't how his life was suppose to be. He didn't have a plan for something like this. He scanned her body from head to toe, everything was perfectly in place like anyone who knew Addison would expect. The only difference was the subtle almost invisible bump. Anyone in their sane mind would have missed it, but Derek had lost his sanity when he left New York. He noticed it before he noticed anything else.
Addison never gained weight, not a single ounce. That wasn't even an option. She was pregnant and he knew. He didn't plan for it, but he knew it.
"Addison..." he said regrattably. "What are you doing here?" the second part was spitefull. Enough to feel like a thousand knives stabbing her at once.
That was Derek's thing. He would never physically hurt her, but his actions and his words did that for him.
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Seven
Apr 27, 2010 21:17:42 GMT -5
Post by Addison on Apr 27, 2010 21:17:42 GMT -5
From the look in his eyes she could tell he wanted her, or maybe he didn't want her at all maybe he saw the not so obvious. He knew her body as well as he knew how to do cut open a brain and remove a clot. He knew how every inch of her was suppose to look. She could tell that he knew about the baby, but she wasn't going to say anything, not yet.
“I'm not here for you, If that's what your thinking Derek, I'm here for a case.” she said, her voice smug, it was the truth that she was here for a case, but the truth, the real truth was that she had to tell him something, the secret of the past four months of her life. The double pink line, the ultrasound image of the baby growing inside of her. The CD that she had gotten made of the baby's heartbeat. She wanted this baby, and she wanted this baby to know that it has a father, and that it has a father that loves it. However she could be wrong.
“Who's the father?” Derek asked, his voice firm.
“I dont know.” Addison said in a falsley honest tone. Derek looked at her, his eyes cold. How could he have gone so wrong? How could his wife have been such a whore?
“How many were there?” He asked.
“Umm.” Addison said trying to think in the false illusion.....”Twenty three....no wait twenty four...because your know i'm such a whore, I sold myself on the streets to afford a prada bag and a new pair of shoes.” She said her voice dripping with sarcaism.
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Seven
Apr 27, 2010 21:28:05 GMT -5
Post by cutebutboring on Apr 27, 2010 21:28:05 GMT -5
Derek faked a laugh. "You make enough in an hour to buy all of Saks Fifth Avenue." he reminded her bitterly. "But everything else sounded fairly accurate. You are a whore and it's not hard to believe that you've gone around with like... all the male surgeons at the hospital, married or not."
Addison looked up, fixing her glance down onto the ground so he wouldn't look at her and read her like he used to. She didn't want to be read, she didn't want him to know that she was carrying his child. She didn't want him to be obligated to be with her just for the sake of a child. She didn't want anyone who didn't want her.
"I'm surprised that medical board hasn't taken your license to practice yet." Derek continued in a hatefull tone full of disgust and contempt. "You act like such a fucking innocent angel with your patients. How could someone not trust Dr. Addison Montgomery? But Addison...she's a whole different person. She's a lying bitch who can't keep her legs together if her life depended on it."
Montgomery. That was all he had to say. Not Shepherd but Montgomery. He no longer considered her to be a part of his family. She was back to where she was 13 years ago. Alone and desperate for someone to love her.
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Seven
Apr 27, 2010 21:59:23 GMT -5
Post by Addison on Apr 27, 2010 21:59:23 GMT -5
Addison looked up at derek, a look of disqust on her face. She was so angry with him right now that she didn't even know what to do. She took a deep breath. And bit her bottom lip, she didn't know if she wanted to laugh or to cry, she felt the tears whelling up in her eyes, she bit her bottom lip to keep them from falling. Damn hormones. They've made her turn weak. Made her care.
“I'm a DAMN good Doctor Derek! I graduated the top of my class. I've never been sued for medical malpractice, I save babies for crying out loud!” She exclaimed
“Your a fucking whore is what you are!” Derek exclaimed. “You cheated on me, your knocked up, you dont even know who the father is! That's a text book deffination of a whore if i've ever heard of one.” HE said.
All she ever wanted was for him to love her, all she ever wanted was to feel the tender touch of his arms around her again, all she ever wanted was for him to care. But that didn't seem possible. HE had stopped careing about her along time ago, he had stopped loving her. “What happened to us?” She asked him, her voice so sad. “When did we go so wrong?”
“About the same time I found you in bed with my best friend?”
Addison took a deep breath, she was about to respond when she felt a dull acheing pain in her stomach and felt dizy. She took a deep breath and grabbed onto Derek's arm to catch her balance. When she did he jerked away out of instinct, causing her to slip because of her high heals. She could feel herself falling down....down....down....until all of a sudden she wasn't falling anymore. It took her a few seconds to realize what had happened, but when she did she realized she was loking up into the most uncareing coldest blue eyes she had ever seen in her entire life.
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Seven
Apr 27, 2010 22:17:23 GMT -5
Post by cutebutboring on Apr 27, 2010 22:17:23 GMT -5
She pulled out of his arms instincively. She had worked so hard to turn against him that the feel of his touch was enough to set her all the way back. She wasn't willing to go back to square one and force herself to stop loving him all over again.
"What is wrong with you?" Derek demanded. "Are you high or something? How could you not stand on your own two legs, you trip over your own feet and you weren't even moving! What is wrong with you?" he repeated the last part over, forcing her to look up at him.
He felt guilty. He didn't want her to be the one responsible for hurting her. If she was to fall right there in front of him and something was to happen to her bastard of a child than people would get the almost obvious idea that he had been responsible for it. He was Derek Shepherd. He didn't kill babies.
"Go lie down or something." he suggested a lot more softly than the initial conversation had started out. "You need to relax. You're an ob you should know what stress does to pregnant women."
"I'm fine." she insisted and began to slowly increase the distance between them one small step backwards at a time.
"Addison." Derek breath her name out slowly. "I don't know when our marriage got here. We were 'that' couple, ya' know? We were perfect and we needed to be reminded that perfection does not exsist. Your flaw is that you doing believe in monogomy and my flaw is I'm too far past it to far anymore. It's over, Addison. It's been over for a while now."
Like he had to say it. Like everything that had happened wasn't enough to tell her that. They were over long before Addison's infedelity. They were over the second Derek chose a surgery over her, the were finished when he'd ignore her calls to read medical journals. All that happened longed before she sought comfort in someone else.
He turned back to Meredith who was still standing a few feet away with her jaw on the floor. He gave her a small smile, reassuring her not to feel threated. He went toward her and placed his hand on the small of her back to escort her out of the building, leaving Addison to stand there alone. Like she'd been doing for the last few years of their relationship.
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Seven
Apr 28, 2010 14:52:06 GMT -5
Post by Addison on Apr 28, 2010 14:52:06 GMT -5
It had been almost a month since her innital aquward return, and things certianly hadn't gotten any better. Rumors had flown over Seattle Grace that Derek was married, and his attitude towards her had become colder than ever. He ignored her, and spent all of his free time with Meredith, and threw himself into surgery. He didn't care that she was pregnant, he didn't care that it could possibly be his child that she was carrying.
She laid down on the bed in the oncall room and placed her hands on her tummy. The baby was kicking now, and she had learned to charish the small quick pains. She rubbed her stomach in small circles in the most recent place that the baby had kicked her. It kicked again, she knew it was crazy, but it was as if he knew his mommy was there. She pretended that it already knew how much she loved it. She never wanted her child to feel as unwanted as she did now.
She stood up, and walked to the place where she knew that Derek was working. If she made a scene he would be forced to talk to her. If she made a scene he would be forced to realize how much she still cared, even though their lifes had fallen apart.
“Derek I need to talk to you.” Addison said, there was a sadness in her voice.
“I NEED to talk to you.” She repeated when he ignored her like he had over so many years. “Derek I'm dying.” She pratically screamed. “Can I atleast get you to talk to me?” She screamed this time louder, until everyone in the hallway was looking at her.
“Can't you atleast look at me?” She exclaimed. Ok she wasn't really dyeing, but his treatment of her made her wish that she was dead sometimes. Made her wish she was dead. Maybe if she was dying of cancer or some other complication he would love her. Maybe if she could pretend atleast for awhile she could have her life back. Have her husband back.
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Seven
Apr 28, 2010 16:36:37 GMT -5
Post by cutebutboring on Apr 28, 2010 16:36:37 GMT -5
Derek pulled her into a isolated corner where they would have a little more privacy that right in front of the nurse's station. He still could not bring himself look directly into her eyes. That was simply asking for too much.
"Will you keep your fucking voice down?" he exclaimed harshly. "I told you I'm not interested in getting back together with you, if that's what you've been sticking around for than you can leave. I'm in love with Meredith and I'm not dumping her for you." he cleared.
She wasn't expecting to hear the last sentance. She had suspected it but hearing it was more than she was ready to handle. Her husband just told her that he was in love with another woman. She knew there was no hope for their marriage, but the fact that he was in love with someone else was enough to say that he didn't even want hope. He didn't care about her.
"Why do you expect me to care about you or your spawn?" he demanded. "You know, I feel kind of bad for it...to have a mother like you is a life long punishment. But I can't do anything about it. And to be quite honest, I could care less."
There was a point when he thought she'd make an amazing mother. The kind that other people's children would die for. She's be the perfect balance of maternal instinct and best friend. She wouldn't be too strict but her children would respect her. That's just who Addison was. She never expected you to respect her but you couldn't help but do it anyway.
Finally Derek brought himself to stare straight at her, right into the eyes that at one point he would lose himself in. But this time he looked at them and wondered what he had ever seen. The eyes that were once an indistingushable shade of blueish green now looked dull and gray. There was no spark, no emotion... no shine. It was as if she was dead on the inside. He looked at her and felt nothing.
"Unless you were here to talk to me about a consult, this conversation is over." he declared
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Seven
Apr 28, 2010 17:56:18 GMT -5
Post by Addison on Apr 28, 2010 17:56:18 GMT -5
“I know you hate me Derek- I get that you hate me.” She said, she gave him a spiteful look. The thing was, their marriage was over, but the truth was she was still holding on, still clinging to the fact that she may be able to make him love her again.
“It's understandable, I would hate me too if I were you, but---” She stopped and looked at him, her expression quizical.
“Wait a minute. I never not once asked you to take me back, What makes you think I even want to be with you, What makes you think I love you and that I'm not just here waiting for divorce papers to come through? What makes you think I give a damn about you?” She asked in a smart tone.
“You have a really big ego.” She said shakeing her head.
“Not every woman wants you just because you have perfect hair and an ability to lean against doorways and a toothy smile.”
“If I remember correctly that's what turned you onto me.” Derek replied, in a mocking tone.
“Seriously derek? Go to hell.” She responded before turning and walking away.
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Seven
Apr 28, 2010 18:12:41 GMT -5
Post by cutebutboring on Apr 28, 2010 18:12:41 GMT -5
Derek laughed fakely. "I know you still want me because I know you. You say one thing but mean something else. You're married to one person but sleep with someone else. That's just you...nothing is ever straight forward with you." he answered loud enough for her to hear no matter how far she's managed to get in those three seconds.
He went back to what he was doing and never noticed her stummble and collapse a mere 10 feet away from him. Even if he had, what are the chances that he would care? The rest of his day was spent like any other day in the life of Derek Shepherd. It wasn't until he was changed and ready to leave that things took a rather unexpected turn.
"I'm sorry about your wife, Dr. Shepherd." A young nurse in trained said solemely as he passed the nurse's station on the surgical floor. She was kissing ass, trying to get on his good side but that didn't work the ways she expected it to.
He eyed her carefully, wondering who the hell she was or what right she had to get involved in his personal life. 'Yeah, I'm sorry too. Sorry that she's my wife in the first place.' he thought to himself. But this woman wouldn't know that, he'd never seen her before which meant it had to be her first day. She wouldn't do anything that went on between himself and Addison which led him to question what she was talking about.
"What?" he asked unexpectedly and went a little bit closer to her.
The young woman was caught off gaurd. The ever charming McDreamy was more intimidating than anything else. "Oh um.. It's just...I heard about what happen to Addison Shepherd. I assumed she was your wife. That's why I was saying..."
Derek stared at her in confusion, still wondering what the hell she was talking. "What happen to Addison?"
"Oh." the woman mumbled. "She collapsed... "
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Seven
Apr 28, 2010 18:31:20 GMT -5
Post by Addison on Apr 28, 2010 18:31:20 GMT -5
He didn't know why her final words hurt him so...he looked to the young nurse and tried to remain calm. His heart ached for his wife, sooon to be ex wife and he didn't know why. Was she just fakeing it? Did she have another episode like she had before?
“What happened?!” HE asked her a little stricter than he intended. She backed away from him a few steps she really was more timid and shy than she appeared.
“ I----Your wife.....Addison Shepherd....”
“Yes I know who she is WHAT happened to her?”
“She collapsed, and the doctors and nurses on her team were unable to revive her, for five or ten minutes. She's in room 302, she's awake but refusing to talk to anyone but you....Were worried because we fear that the baby may have suffered when she fell. But like I said Addison isn't talking.” The young nurse said before giving Derek a look, and when he didn't respond walking away.
Derek nodded his head, it was just like Addison to make things more difficult than they had to be. He couldn't possibly believe that she was refusing to talk when her child was in danger. HE knew that the only thing she wanted more than anything else in this world was a baby. He walked to her room and sat down on the hard plastic chair near her bed. For the first few moments they just looked at eachother quietly.
Her head had a cut, and it looked like the plastic surgon had been to stitch her up, Derek noticed the unique stitches that left the skin so tight that a bandage isn't needed after the procedure. He moved his hand to trace the bruise around the cut, a moment of weakness for him, he didn't like seeing her hurt, it hurt him somewhere deep. He may not like her anymore, he may not even love her anymore, but still it hurt him somewhere he never expected to feel pain.
“Are you happy now?” Addison asked him, she was laying in the hospital bed, oxeygen tube in her nose, and an IV in her arm. Really she almost died, he must be happy now since he wants her dead.
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Seven
Apr 28, 2010 18:46:58 GMT -5
Post by cutebutboring on Apr 28, 2010 18:46:58 GMT -5
He had no idea what overcame him. He really hated her but somwhere deep deep deep down inside he cared just in he slighest. He didn't want her to be in physical pain, psychological pain was one thing but physical was different. It was real, actual pain. No matter how horrible she was, she didn't diserve that.
He didn't answer the question. He wouldn't know how to answer it. Because in some horrible twisted way, he was happy. It was somewhat gratifying to see her so weak and powerless for the first time in her life. But at the same time, he wished he could take away all her pain and let her continue to be the arragont bitch that he grew to love.
"I'm your husaband. I'm still you're next of kin." he explianed. "Someone should have called me to tell me what happen to you but they didn't. I just found out"
"Does it make a differnce?" she asked rhetorically. "I told them not to call you. It's not like you care, so why would I have you notified?"
"You are unbelievable!" Derek raised his tone. "You hav no one, Addison. You haven't made a single friend here. My family hates you, you have a mutal hate with your family. You have no one who gives a fuck about you. You want me to care and I'm trying to pretend that I care but you're pushing me away. What else do you expect?"
Addison looked at him with tears in her eyes. "You shouldn't have to pretend you care. I don't want you to pretend." she answered.
"You don't even know what you want!" he exclaimed. "Tell me what you want from me! Why are you still here? What do you expect me to do?"
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Seven
Apr 28, 2010 19:05:01 GMT -5
Post by Addison on Apr 28, 2010 19:05:01 GMT -5
“I WANT YOU TO CARE!” Addison exclaimed, unable to stop the tears.
“I slept with your best friend and you walked away, He came out here from NY to rub it in your face and still you get a good nights sleep!” Addison exclaimed her voice rising.
“WHAT DO I HAVE TO DO?!?” She screamed.
“Oh I know, maybe I should go out on a date with the Vet because that seems to be something that sends you into a blind rage. Oh wait that wont work ither BECAUSE IM NOT MEREDITH GREY!” Addison screamed, tears falling, she laid back on the hospital bed. She wanted to kill him. She felt like she couldn't breathe. Like he was standing there, putting a pillow over her face and suffocateing her.
“I'm---having---your---baby, and you don't give a fuck about me.” Addison said, choosing her words carefully . “Something is seriously wrong Derek. I think i'm possibly dying, and all you can think about is how to get away from me so you can fuck meredith.”
“Your not having my baby Addison, You can't be more than three or four months along. We havn't had sex in five months.”
“I dont ask you to believe me, but I'm telling yout he truth. Yoru evil spawn is killing me.”
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Seven
Apr 28, 2010 19:23:05 GMT -5
Post by cutebutboring on Apr 28, 2010 19:23:05 GMT -5
Derek sighed and paced the room back and forth until he was calm enough to be rational with her. "Okay, let's try this again...in order for that to be my baby...you and I would have to have had sex in the recent three or four months. We haven't been together in over five months...maybe six. I'm not sure. My point is...that's not my baby. Just because you don't know who the father is doesn't mean you can go pointing fingers at me."
"Nevermind, Derek. Nothing I say is worth it." Addison answered. "Will you just go home to your perfect girlfriend and leave the adlterous whore alone."
He thought about it for a second. He could go be alone all night in his trailer or he could stay and continue to get on his so called wife's nerves. The most entertaining option was clear. He sat down on the chair beside the bed and crossed his arms and looked at her smuggly. "Make me." he replied in a childish tone.
She didn't argue, she didn't have enough left in her to argue. She turn onto her side, her back facing him and stared at the fetal moniter which was beeping steadily. She wondered if her unborn child could somehow feel what was going on. Was it giving her hell because it knew it was coming into this world virtually unwelcomed. She was the only one who cared about it, but this child would have no father, no aunts or uncles, no grandparents, no cousins to play with. It would just be her and her baby up against the world.
"Aw, you pissed off?" Derek went on mockingly. "Did I make Mommy mad?" he continued, using the title mockingly which tears to her eyes. Tears that went noticed by him.
"I wonder if your kid is gonna as big a whore as you are? I mean...that's huge in your genes right? Your dad fucks everything that moves, your mom fucks everything with a vagina. Your brother may as well be a prostitute...and you don't know how to keep your legs together."
"Yeah, and you fuck twelve year olds who just hit puberty and need to stuff their training bras." she shot back.
"Stop saying I'm the father! I'm not, okay?" he raised his tone to make himself clear. "I don't want children with you. I don't want you as the mother of my first child. I don't want someone with Montgomery genes to carry on the Shepherd name. It's not my child. I'm not interested in a child you've mothered. Do I make myself clear?"
She didn't answer. Sniffled and buried her head into the pillow, wishing she could get away with suffocating herself.
"I'm just here because I have to be." he assured. "Because how would I sound when everyone hears that you're here with 'my baby' and I'm home doing my own thing. I'm doing this to uphold my name. You have nothing to do with this."
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Seven
Apr 28, 2010 19:43:36 GMT -5
Post by Addison on Apr 28, 2010 19:43:36 GMT -5
“Derek I didn't ask for this to happen to me. I didn't ask to get pregnant, I deffiantly didn't ask to get pregnant by a man who can't stand the site of me. Of a man who would rather me be dead because I slept with his best friend.” Addison's face was red and puffy from crying.
“By the time I found out I was already 2 months along. It was too late to get an abortion. Derek you know how I feel about those things! A fetus has a heartbeat at 18 days. It is a baby. It's my baby, weather you want it or not. I couldn't just have her sucked out of me.” Addison whispered.
“And then she kicked, and something happened. It became more real. And I started to love her.” Addison tried to explain. “If you dont want to be a father, that's your progerative. But I am going to do my damn best to be a good mother.”
“Can't we just try and work something out Derek? Look at my charts, look at my blood work, look at whatever you have to, do an amino, do a peternity test with the fluids, Just listen to me.” She begged.
“I'm six months pregnant. I didn't cheat until four months ago. You do the math.” She told him.
“DO whatever test you need too, just.....I wouldn't lie to you about this.” She whispered. Looking away.
“And......” She was about to tell him the truth, that she had only cheated on him with Mark, but she couldn't bring herself to say those simple words. He treated her like a whore.
“It was only Mark...” She finally said. “We both had affairs Derek....We both fell inlove with someone else, but you know it will never work.” Addison sighed “Something had to happen, you have to atlest care a little or you wouldn't be here making me want to kill you.”
"I'm doing the best I can Derek.....It was too late to have an abortion and I'm doing my best." Addison said, desperation in her tone.
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Seven
Apr 28, 2010 19:57:07 GMT -5
Post by cutebutboring on Apr 28, 2010 19:57:07 GMT -5
"Only Mark?" Derek repeated. "You told me you fucked twenty something guys and now it's 'just Mark.' It's a lot to take in, Addison. You come back here and I find out you're a pregnant whore. It's a bit much to digest. So back off."
"Will you please stop calling me a whore?" she begged. "If I'm a whore than so are you. We both went outside our marriage. You had a full blown affair. I had sex with him once. You made love to her. There is a difference. You think my pregnancy is a lot to take in? Try swallowing the fact that the one person you've loved your whole life is in love with someone else."
"Just give me time, okay?" he requested. "Give me a little time to try to understand what the hell is going on with my life. I don't know what's going on and I don't know how to deal with it."
"It's simple, Derek. You love her... more than you could ever love me. Divorce me and be with her. Forget this baby, you don't want her. I understand that. I'm not going to force you to be in her life. I'm not going to ask anything of you. Do what makes you happy." she suggested calmly, being as it was the only logical way to deal with them.
"Why couldn't you get pregnant three years ago when I wanted to have a baby with you?! Why did you have to put it off? Why now? Why when I'm over it and I'm moving on?" he asked, wording the same question over and over again in different ways. "If this baby does kill you...than what the fuck am I suppose to do with it? I don't want kids right now, Addison."
"Put it up for adoption."
"You know that you're the only person alive that can do this to me, right? You're the only one capable of turning my life unside down...twice... in the matter of less than half a year." he scoffed incredously. "I have no idea what the hell to do."
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