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Seven
Apr 28, 2010 20:44:05 GMT -5
Post by Addison on Apr 28, 2010 20:44:05 GMT -5
“Derek I----I'm sorry.....I'm sorry I wasn't good enough for you.....I.....I really do love you....I t-t-tried my best to be good wife.” She said, she was hysterical now and her words weren't coming in complete sentences, she was having difficutly breathing, and hypervenalating, and then it was as if she just fell asleep, but to the outside world her vitals were tacky, and her heart was failing. Derek looked up in horror as the machiens started beeping. He called a code blue, and then immideatly began giving her CPR to keep her breathing until they got the crash cart in. He didn't know why he did it, he didn't know if he did it because he love her, or if he did it because the doctor in him is stronger than the frightened angry husband.
It took 10 minutes and two times shocking her, but she was revived and brought up to the ICU ward. Until they figured this thing out, they didn't want to take any chances with her health.
“Der----” She coughed. “Wh---happened?” She asked weakly , her blood pressure was low, and although she was receiving fluids, she was still dehydrated from not drinking enough water in the days/hours leading up to her innital collapse. And they still had no idea what was wrong with her, or why she was so sick to begin with .
“Your heart stopped beating. We had to give you CPR , and shock you twice. Your ok now.” He said, his voice tender, but they could never really be sure, could they?
“Sc-Scared.” She whsipered, and tears fell down her cheeks. She was still so weak, and it was obvious that she was in pain.
“Derek I didn't mean to hurt” He put his hand on her mouth silenceing her.
“Don't talk. We can talk about this more later, when you've regained your strenght.” He ordered her, he was trying to be nice, but inside his mind a million questions overflowed him.
“I'm sorry.” She repeated again. “I'm so sorry.” She said, tears falling form her eyes, and her heart liturally feeling like it was breaking. “I only---- only said other men to make you jealous----didn't know it would hurt you so much. I didn't think you would care. I just wanted you to love me.”
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Seven
Apr 28, 2010 21:01:40 GMT -5
Post by cutebutboring on Apr 28, 2010 21:01:40 GMT -5
"And telling me you've gone around the block does that how?" he asked curiously, not meaning to sound as mean as it had come out. "I'm sorry, I'm still working on this not being an asshole thing." he apologized
"I've been trying to hate you. I've been trying really hard. And I was doing pretty well for a while but I just realized I was lying to myself. I can't hate you no matter what you do." he began to express himself slowly. "You just literally died right there and I panicked. If I didn't care about you, I'd remain level headed and think like a doctor but I panicked."
Addison was still in a haze and confused. She had just had a near death experience and now Derek was the one apologizing to her. It was as if the tables had turned and she was on the other side now.
"I don't want you to die. I don't want you in pain." he explained. "I want you to be okay and I want this baby to be okay."
"This is all confusing and hard to understand. I don't know how to choose between you and Meredith.... but I know that I'm not willing to lose you because of her. If that makes sense. But I'll figure it out, I will. I just need you to get better so that it all works out."
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Seven
Apr 28, 2010 21:30:27 GMT -5
Post by Addison on Apr 28, 2010 21:30:27 GMT -5
The next three months went by in a very unevetful manner. The doctor had put her on bed rest because they had determined that her heart was under too much strain due to the pregnancy and that if she continued at the rate she was going it would surley kill her, so much to her dismay she was stuck on bedrest in the hospital for the last 90 days of her pregnancy. Much to her pleasure Derek had been there every step of the way, and they had been trying their hardest to work things out.
That Monday morning was like any others . Derek had just finished a complicated surgery, and had come to see her, he was sitting on the bed with her when suddenly she squeezed his hand tight, and held her breath as a contraction washed over her body.
“Addison are you ok?” Derek asked apparently concerned. She let out the breath as the contraction vanished but 3 minutes later another one came, this time more intense. And after three sets of these she felt a poping sensation, and it felt like she peed her pants.
“My---my water just broke.” She said....”Get Bailey.” She demanded. She was suppose to have a c-section, she didn't know if her heart was strong enough to give birth naturally, especially since she had made it all the way to term.
The contractions were now less than a minute apart and more intense. She was now bearing down with every contraction, but she couldn't push. Derek sat behid her and genlty massaged her tummy, trying to relax her.
“You can do this.....Addie.....PUSH” Addison bore down and pushed, this time long and hard. She was getting weaker, her blood pressure was weakning.
“Ok Ok Addison don't psuh.” Bailey instructed her, but at that point it was too late. Addison couln't have helped it if she wanted to .
“PUSH DONT PUSH WTF DO YOU WANT ME TO DO?”
“Calm down, take a deep breath, breathe.”
“I KNOW HOW TO BREATHE IM A FUCKING DOCTOR TOO!” She screamed at Derek. Bailey re-examined her and determined that they wouldn't be able to make it to a C-section. Aslong as Addison was cautious and willing she would have to push.
“Ok Addie. Push I can see it's head.” Bailey said. And prepared to help the baby along. Three more big pushes, and a few choice words on Addison's behaf and a beautiful baby girl was born into the world. But Addison wasn't doing well at all, She was bleeding, and loosing blood at an outsttanding rate. Bailey handed the Baby to the nurse who cleaned her up and swaddled her, while Bailey called and ordered an OR. She was loosing too much blood. She was loosing blood quicker than they could replace it.
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Seven
Apr 28, 2010 21:46:04 GMT -5
Post by cutebutboring on Apr 28, 2010 21:46:04 GMT -5
Derek didn't even get a chance to see his daughter. She was taken straight to the NICU and Addison was taken to the OR. He had no idea what was going on with either one of them, and he wasn't allowed anywhere near them. At the second, being the head of neurological surgery got him no where in the hospital. He was just like any other concerned husband/father in the hospital, forced to wait in the waiting room until someone came out to talk to him.
He stood in a frenzy when he saw Richard find out and just by his appearance it was obvious that he was worried out of his mind. "Your daughter is fine. With everything going on you didn't get a chance to see her. But she's completly fine and you can go see her if you want."
That was something, but not enough to releave Derek's every concern. "What about Addison?" he asked instantly, being as she was know that only thing on his mind.
"She's stable. There were able to stop the bleeding but Bailey wants to be sure that she didnt miss anything so she's being ridiculasly slow and attentive. You should call your family, Derek. Your parents, her parents. Let them know that the baby is here and all..."
"Our family?" Derek repeated with the thought in mind. He nodded and walked off with his phone in his hand to call the family he'd ignored for just as long as he ignored his wife. Before he knew it, he found himself begging for their presence, needing someone to support him in his time of need. He needed someone to take some of his burden away from him and someone to share his newfound happiness with.
After the call he went up to the NICU to see his daughter and the second he held her in his arms was the second that everything else melted away. He carefully and securely held her and carried her to post-op where her mother was. He walked slowly into the room just incase Addison was asleep but as he expected, she wasn't.
"Hey." he whisperded, sitting at the edge of her bed. He passed their daughter to her and watched the moment in silence without being able to restrain himself from placing a tender kiss on her lips.
"She okay?" Addison asked, asphycsaited by the site of her daughter.
Derek nodded. "She's perfect. And you're doing well too. Just lost some blood but..." he trailed off.
His last intention was to ruin the moment but he couldn't hide it from her much longer. They would arrive in a matter of hours and if they just walked in than Addison's already weak heart might give out from the shock. "I called my family..." he mumbled almost incoherently.
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Seven
Apr 28, 2010 22:05:24 GMT -5
Post by Addison on Apr 28, 2010 22:05:24 GMT -5
“You did what?” Addison asked weakly he handed her the baby and she held her so very close, takeing in her sweet smell, using her engery to count her fingers and her toes.
“I thought you were dying. I had to Addie.”
“Really? You had to huh?” She asked but wsas cut off by fits of coughing but she didn't get mad at him, she just nodded.
“Take her...she's heavy I dont want to drop her.” Addison said, she was still weak from surgery, and the last thing she wanted was to hurt her baby. kissing her daughter on the forhead she letting Derek take her back into his arms.
An inten walked in and addison smiled at her.
“Whern can I get out of herE? “she asked.
“Dr. Shephead, you will need an additional surgery, we are scheduling it now. The wall of your heart, and the main mussle has been weekened by the pregnancy, we have to go in and correct it, because right now your heart isn't functioning well enough to substain life outside of the hospital.”
“Ex- Excuse me?” Addison asked confused.
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Seven
Apr 28, 2010 22:16:20 GMT -5
Post by cutebutboring on Apr 28, 2010 22:16:20 GMT -5
Derek defensively stapped in. He cleared his throat and reassured Addison that she didn't have to worry about anything. "Who the hell are you?" he asked while gently rocking his infant daughter in his arms to soothe away her tears.
"I uh.." the intern studdered "I'm Dr. Sherradon. It's my first week."
"First week..." Derek scoffed. "Okay, well Dr. Richard Webber..he's the cheif...ya' know. The black guy with the white beard and the almost hairless head... He's your boss. He told me that she's fine. As in...she doesn't need anymore surgery. So until you learn the alphebet don't tell us she needs surgery."
"I uh.." he panicked. It was never a good sigh when Derek Shepherd yelled at you your first week of internship. Those were always the interns that ended up demoting themself to nurses. It was a longstanding fact. "I'm sure, Dr. Shepherd. Dr. Burke told me to inform you."
Derek looked at his wife in shock, not knowing how to process the information. "I'm still not believing him." he told her. "You wanna keep the baby with you? I'll go talk to Burke and Richard. You're fine, Addison.. I know it."
Addison held his arm back to keep him from leaving. "I'm not fine. We both know it."
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Seven
Apr 28, 2010 22:27:29 GMT -5
Post by Addison on Apr 28, 2010 22:27:29 GMT -5
“Addison, baby your going to be fine.” Addison smiled up at him with tired eyes. He hadn't called her baby, or sweetheart, or anything in a long time. It felt nice.
“If Dr. Burke says it is so than it must be so.” Addison said. “Atleast the baby is ok. That's the main thing we have to focous on, the safety of our daughter, of baby shepherd.” Addison said she gently took the baby from derek and held her close. She wasn't sure how much longer she had. But she knew that Burke was the best in the world.
“Derek, I want to name her Willow.” They had been throgh so much together her and her small little baby. Her name seemed to be fitting.
“Willow? Willows wheep.”
“Given all i've been through with her i'm supprised she dosn't wheep.” Addison said. “ I feel empty.” She told him. “It's like i'm here, but i'm really not, it's like everything I hear is bad news. What's next? Theyir going to have to cut off my hands and take away my sugery, aswell as my prada bags and gucci shoes? “
“I just want for the baby to be ok, and to be loved, that is the important thing.” Addison said. “Promise me you will love her Derek.” She said. She had a feeling that this wasn't going to be a good thing, she had a feeling that she might not make it out of this surgery alive, and if she didn't she had to be sure that her baby was taken care of.
“Promise me.” She begged.
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Seven
Apr 28, 2010 22:35:10 GMT -5
Post by cutebutboring on Apr 28, 2010 22:35:10 GMT -5
Derek shook his head. "No." he answered firmly. "I'm not making you any of these stupid 'Im going to die so promise me' promises. I'm obviously going to love her but you're going to be there to see it. Get it? So don't panic when you don't even know anything yet. I'll be right back." he assured before walking out.
Addison looked down at the baby in arms unsurely. She had no idea if she'd ever be able to do it again. She doubted that thought of being able to watch her daughter grow up...or hear her first words, see her first steps. Any of those simple things that every other mother experienced.
Her eyes shot up when the door opened but when she saw who it was that walked in she felt like dying was in her best interest at that second. It was none other than Carolyn Shepherd, the woman who'd prefered that Derek married a rock over her. "Oh god..." she groaned.
Derek's mother came closer to her estranged daughter in law and looked at the baby in her arms. "He doesn't look like Derek. Are you sure he's the father?"
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Seven
Apr 28, 2010 22:51:51 GMT -5
Post by Addison on Apr 28, 2010 22:51:51 GMT -5
“HE is a GIRL, and her name is Willow.” Addison responded. Her voice clearly showing the distaste for the woman who was in the room with her, and now close enough to her that she could smell her breath, which smelt oddly like vomit, fruit, and that weird new bubble gum that she couldn't quite place the flavor to. She felt like she was going to vomit, and she didn't know if it were a result of her breath or a result of the medciation they were giving her.
“Ither way it dosn't look at All like MY son.” She said. Addison looked at her and rolled her eyes angerly. She didn't even know why this woman was here if all she was going to do is make her crazy.
“Why are you even here?” Addison asked knowing that Derek's mother was probally hopeful that she would die and her son would be single.
“Derek said his child was born, I wanted to see for myself.”
“Well I would prefer if you leaved.” Addison said angerly. “You are NOT the thing that my child or I need to be exposed to after all that we've been through.” Addison exclaimed.
“Calm down I just wanted to see my grandchild.”
“And make my life a living hell?” Addison asked
“Yeah a little of that too.”
“Well Stop or i'm calling security. You dont' have to be allowed around me or your grandchild.”
“So hostal, I hope the child dosn't have your temper, or your whoredome, but then again unfortianally she is a female and so she is genetically predisposed.”
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Seven
Apr 28, 2010 23:05:45 GMT -5
Post by cutebutboring on Apr 28, 2010 23:05:45 GMT -5
"Mom." Derek called from the door. "You don't say things like that to women with heart failure!"
Carolyn's scolding glance softened. She looked from Addison to Derek with a questioning gaze. "What are you talking about, Derek? Addison is too stubborn to go let something like that kill her...she'll kill everyone on this planet before something like that gets to her."
"And oddly enough I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not." Derek mumbled beneath his breath. "Anyway, Addison, I spoke to Dick and Burke. Apperently the annoying kid wasn't shooting stuff out of his ass. You really do need surgery. And Burke and Dick say that you should be fine. We have no reason to worry."
"Dick?" Addison repeated with a raise of an eyebrow.
"Richard...Dick is short for Richard." Derek explained. "Shut up, I'm nervous, I can't think straight. I can call anyone anything I want."
"Derek, you're a surgeon. You should know that you can never make a promise when it comes to surgery. Especially heart surgery." Carolyn reminded. "They are going to cut her chest open, crack her rib change and cut around her heart..."
"Gee, thanks. I didn't know that's how heart surgery works." Addison mumbled pathedically.
"We're gonna go wait outside, Ad. They're gonna take you right now. Burke doesn't wanna wait. I'll have Willow with me the whole time so don't worry about her. Just get through it, that's it. Stay strong and be the stubborn bitch that you are. Fuck death."
"Shouldn't be hard for her. She fucks everything." Carolyn mumbled beneath her breath, but knew she'd been heard when Derek threw her a cold stare.
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Seven
Apr 28, 2010 23:20:04 GMT -5
Post by Addison on Apr 28, 2010 23:20:04 GMT -5
“Derek.” Addison whispered, blinking her eyes. “Scar?” She asked, still groggy as she was just coming out of anastesia.
“Don't worry, We've got the best Plastic surgon in the world, he stitched you up, within two weeks you will never even know you had surgery.”
“Willow?”
“She's fine. I took her to the NICU, they wouldn't let me bring her into the recovery room with me. Until they stole her for long enough to check her vision and hearing and get her weight again.”
“Ok.” Addie said and smiled. “I'm so tired.” She whispered.
“You will be tired for a while, you've had two major operations in one day. You need time to recover.”
“I want to get back to my life Derek, I want to get back to the way things were before I got sick! I want my life back! “
“All in good time, you will recover and your life will return to normal.”
“And get rid of your mohter! If I have to have her hanging around much longer it wouldn't have mattered that the surgery hadn't killed me I'll shoot myself.” She said thinking of earlier and how his mother had insulted her baby and herself.
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Seven
Apr 28, 2010 23:33:28 GMT -5
Post by cutebutboring on Apr 28, 2010 23:33:28 GMT -5
"I talked to my mother, okay?" he answered. "I told her I'll stop talking to her if she continued treating you like shit. And I'm her only son, she wouldn't want to lose me. So she promised to lay off your back....don't say that's what she said."
Addison smiled weakly, "I'm too tired to be preverted right now." she assured. "Are you sure that no one is going to come in here in like two minutes and tell me that I need kidney surgery right now."
"I'm sure that no one is going to come in here and tell you that you need to be cut open again." he promised. "And I'll be with you the whole time while you're here, okay? You're not going to be alone. I can get Dick to convince NICU to trust me with our daughter. I'll bring her in here and it'll be the three of us. Our perfect little family."
"Stop calling him Dick...please." Addison begged tiredly.
"I can't...it's so fun. It may be short for Richard but it's also short for Penis... and that's funny." Derek answered immaturely.
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